Reasons We Shouldn't be Together

Things that outright clash. Our moral systems.

How much we love each other

What we think are low blows

How much we want each other

How much we are about ourselves

how much we admire each other

how much we can and actually make each other happy

how much resentment there is

how much my success as a person is dependant on our working

appropriate everyday vehicles

how much we pursue our dreams


when i first met u i was a wreck. I had no dreams. You came into my life and i saw a future for myself, happiness. You gave me dreams. it was simple. but through the years i grew up, with u to hurt in the process. i can never take back the pain i have caused. And i am learning i cannot be forgiven. because of me, my pitfalls, and inability to make us come true per our dreams.. I will never be able to live and learn. For as long as I am with you, I will always have to be sorry. I believe we're ruined. Our future is forever tainted.

and to think. I am excited for my parent's encouraging a marriage?? I love you so much, I am willing to agree to a life with someone who will never fully love me because of the mistakes I've made? The idea that I don't care, how it happens, It'd allow us to just move forward and live our lives. I was excited for it. You may not think this, but they are just facilitating a bad break up that's bound to happen years from now. Because I am submitting my love to someone who I have to work for to love me back? We truly believe we love each other. We cry for each other. The thought of not being together tears us apart. I would've given my life for you. But even that, wouldn't have been enough. We were doomed from the beginning, we came from the too different families and systems. You were raised to think you're forever awesome. And I was raised weak to criticism. And to think, we met in church.

I wish all of this weren't true, I wish something would change it all

he sucks

There's a song: Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfield. It has a line that goes: "Who doesn't long for someone to hold, who knows how to love you without being told."

Once upon a time, I felt like I had that someone. That time was long ago. I felt so loved. It felt like a dream. Now, he always has to be told. I know he's capable. That he can love me and be dear to me. And it happens, it does. But you can put your money on when I'm down, he won't come through. You'll make millions.

So he has to be told. What does that mean? That he doesn't love me. He fell out of it. I can list a million reasons why. I am not for him. It's plain. It's simple.

The truth is I do not want that truth. I want him. I love him. I adore him.

Sucks I'm going to be alone. Sucks happiness won't come, not from him.

I really wish this wasn't the truth.

Grown together? you'd think so..

As you've seen, we've been together for a number of years. However, it is still a long distance bit.

We just concluded we like to be handled differently when we are upset and still don't quite grasp those differences. I expect that he'd like to be handled the way I would like if I felt the way he did. This apparently is not the case.
We also concluded we do not like what the other does... While I thought this was the case for myself to him. Apparently, he feels the same way that whatever he does it's just not the way I wanted him to handle it..

Our overall conclusion from these points seem obvious right? But this idea of love, and definitely attachment and longing for each other stops it and makes up just want to ignore these bold differences. Breaking up is such a horrible solution.. please tell me I'm right..

Background Info

We are both graduating college this year, and turning 22. He will be getting a bachelors in computer engineering, and myself, in finance with a minor in real estate. Ultimately, I hope we become closer, more confident, more ideal..

We met at a summer camp up in NY back in 2002. We were 15. We barely saw each other and did not talk until a week after it was over and there was a lunch. I had the idea to pass a sheet along for everyone in my group (of girls) to put contact info. But of course, it easily made it's way to the boy's side. Anyway, this is how we really got to talking. As the fall semester progressed, we got to know each other pretty well and became pretty close. Only thing, he was always telling me how amazing I was. My response: I barely know what you look like and said the same had to be for him as well.

With time, constant communication, and some irrational desire, I grew to like the kid, a lot. Of course, I denied such possibility. I strongly believed any relationship was bad news, a sure way to disappointment, and not something to pursue while in school. I really had no faith in the dating-bf/gf system at all. I didn't know how I was going to find my future husband, but believed I shouldn't worry about it at that point. No doubt, all these opinions attracted this kid even more..

He respected it. He respected me. He liked me. We were close, though. He had his own life in NY, and my own in FL. I went to private school, had few friends, and was ridiculously sheltered on the whole. He had a life, friends, dated, had girls, girlfriends, all the good fun. And I being the sheltered one, had my opinions and he knew them.

One day, I thought he had done something, the thing any guy would love to do, and I blew a fuse. He was shocked. But on top of that, he feared if he really were to continue the way he was and do something like that day, he'd lose me. Now, I know how I reacted would not make sense if we were just friends.. I had definitely fallen for him. My feelings against bf/gf relationships were a lot stronger for such a thought to actually occur to me though, and so it didn't - not for a few months anyway.

The date we finally really committed to each other, April 6th, 2003.

Superficial?

too frustrated/ashamed to begin..